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Hailing from Retford, Nottinghamshire Carlon Stardom unleashes his debut release ‘A dirty little snatch’ upon an unsuspecting British public, whether they’re ready for it yet is another matter… The CD comprises of 15 tracks and 9 skits with genius titles such as ‘John Craven’s reaction to pubes’ ‘Open wide (and call me Vince)’ and ‘Swallow my pride’. This isn’t for the fainted hearted, it’s a CD full of filth, perversion and general depravation. Carlon Stardom’s style is like a bastard hybrid of Doyen D at his most obscene crossed with the coarseness of MC Pitman and to his credit it works. You won’t be surprised to know that the pretty much all the subject matter is a celebration of Stardom’s perversions – what he has done and what he’d like to do such as “tit fucking Linda Lusardi in the karzi” and “doing things unmentionable with an amusingly shaped vegetable” all delivered in a comedy style. The up-tempo production compliments the light-hearted subject matter well, some damn funky beats are on this CD it sounds like something out of a 70s porn movie with horns, guitar licks and sleazy bass lines a plenty. Stardom must be complimented on his ability to dig out amusing vocal samples, the LP is scattered with them and they really add to the listening experience. He says in his press release that the CD is “a humorous take on the profession of pornographic acting” and judging for the amount of porn skits on here it seems like this is a man who’s studied porno acting in great, almost obsessive detail! Alongside his rhyming, Stardom indulges in a bit of club style comedy singing and talking to the listening, about such subjects as his obsession with Eminems mother on ‘Sealed with a piss’ and ‘Mr Penis’. The stand out track for me is ‘I want knickers’, which starts off with a hilarious Father Jack (of Father Ted) vocal sample before the funky production kicks in. Throughout the song Stardom drops gems such as “I ring the Samaritans every evening and then I practise heavy breathing” and “like Michael Portillo’s ass I take two puffs and pass” and the whole thing ends off with the most hilarious Tim Westwood impersonation you’re like to hear all year, you need this in your life! Later in the LP Stardom goes on to describe his experiences with Charlotte Church’s mother and the ability to masturbate discreetly while reading woman’s weekly, in Sainsburys of all places. Another highlight is the riotous sing-a-long of ‘Do ya little dance’ I defy anyone to keep a straight face whilst this is playing. If you’re a lover of toilet humour and you’re into the likes of Smut Peddlers, Kool Keith, R.A. the Rugged Man and the UKs own Roysta, then you’ll love this. If you’re not then you probably won’t, but it’s worth listening to anyway. It’s a distinctly smutty British LP, which is as much comedy as it is hip-hop and even if you find the subject matter a bit too much at times, the funky production and the funny skits will keep you entertained. If you wish to purchase a copy of ‘A dirty little snatch’ or if you’re an artist who wishes to collaborate with Carlon Stardom, give him a ring on 07860 939429.
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Carlon Stardom A Dirty Little Snatch
LP