Soulja Boy Tellem.com LP DeAndre Cortez Way, aka Soulja Boy, has managed to infiltrate the mainstream consciousness in America with an LP that reached number one in the Ring-Tone Hot 100… Sorry, that’s the BILLBOARD Hot 100, my mistake. Anyway, now it’s about to be forced on the English. ‘Tellem.com’ is bound to warrant more ‘told you so’s’ from the ‘hip-hop is dead’ movement as the lead single’s popularity inflicts another blow. Its merry-go-round samples and hollow, hacking beats do so little to disguise the pitiful lyrics that I’m tempted to talk to myself over the top of the record just to inspire the words you’re about to read. But, there is some praise. Soulja Boy is only seventeen and he produced the entire record on the demo of FL Studio … all… by… himself! And that’s the praise… ‘Crank That’ is the single sending sales skyward (which I’m putting down to the complimentary ‘dance’ that comes with it) and in contrast to the rest of the LP, the song is… ok. But still, the playground Crunk’s been done before, and better. It sounds like Fifty Cent ‘Candyshop’ wandered down south (all… by… itself!) and found Lil’ Jon’s SP1200, let out a fake yawn, threw an arm round it and spawned this commercial catastrophe… but, like…less good. Beneath that shallow zenith is the record’s lowlight, ‘Snap and Roll’. It’ll make you dizzy just listening; the wincing, whinging sample, jabs the brain, whilst Soulja boy TELLS you to Snap, and then Roll… NO Soulja Boy! I won’t! For an album that’s apparently based on fun, hence the lack of lyrics (that’s actually Soulja Boy’s own excuse!) with any meaning whatsoever, there’s just no boom - no head nodding, just a little shaking from side to side… Now where’s my Biggie at?! Tellem.com is bound to warrant more ‘told you so’s’ from the 'hip-hop is dead’ movement... - Toby Orton © ukhh.com 1999 - 2006